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alright, i know i said i was beyond this and i was done with this and after this entry, i promise you i am. i deleted the last thing i had written here because it just sounded plain depressing and i re-read it and i really didnt want to come across that way.

so what id my idealistic scenarios that i have played out and written up in my head didnt pan out! none of you reading this really care and there are just too many decent things that happpen and i just overlook them when i should be concentrating on them more.

its so ridiculous that people concentrate so much on the negatives so much more than the small, good things that happen to them. i think we all just long for some sort of attention and too many times we decide to go about finding it in pity. well screw pity! theres just too much goodness for me to keep sounding all depressed when no one wants to hear it to begin with. im so beyond this--this madness of typing out all your insignifigant that youve done, posting it for the world to see. the world has too many other things to be involved in than mindlessly scanning the internet for the "awesome sleepover you had, or your best friends (love ya girlsss!!!)"...no i apologize. im sorry for the cynicism. heck i could easily sit here and write about the things ive done this summer, but half the time its more fun when its only between me. i guess im a little introverted when it comes to things like that and i really havent "written" on this thing for months...come to think of it,  i really havent written at all for months. so i decided to give it one last hurrah. so heres the hurrah. you: i wish there could have been an "us" before there was a "her", but i suppose thats okay with me because im not too sure i really ever believed we'd manage to get the timing quite right anyway. it was just me and that "ooo lets hope against our better judgement so we can end up slightly disappointed in the end"-thing. you know.

this turned out to be such a sappy hurrah, but i did it. hm. i made jello today for a reunion tomorrow and i think im gonna go marvel at it. ive always been an admirer or great jello.

                                                                                                                     love.sara